Ayahuasca & relationships – a juicy topic!
These are my two main areas of expertise, especially relationships, there’s a lot of people who ask me this question:
“Hey, should i do it by myself or should i bring my partner?“
“What if after the ceremonies i have changed so much that i’m no longer in love with them? What if i realized that i’m in the wrong relationship, will Ayahuasca make me break up with my partner?“
Let’s start with where these questions are coming from, everyone asks this.
They ask it because underneath all of it, they have a feeling that there’s something in their partner that they have been willfully ignorant to.
There’s something about them that they have ignored and they pretend that it’s not there, so when they ask: “What if i don’t like them anymore?”
What they’re really saying is: “What if i pay attention to all these things about my relationship that i haven’t paid attention to – but deep inside hurt me?“
“What if i realized that i have made the wrong choice, that i’m in the wrong relationship?“
The answer to this first question – “Should i do it by myself or with them” is, both are fine.
But never force someone else to join you in this path, it’s your journey and your calling, unless they are also curious and interested and they have this calling too.
You should not spend any time trying to convince them because they might resent you, they might resent the process and they might distract you from your own journey.
Will Ayahuasca have you break up with your partner?
What Ayahuasca does in relationships is that it brings you to a place of clarity and harmony.
So, around clarity, a lot of our choices are clocked by our karmic structure, our karmic tendencies.
What i mean by this is that a lot of what you do, day by day, is based out of your habits, compulsions and your traumas.
You’re either running towards that which you have found gives you pleasure or away from that which has caused you pain the past.
You are, in a way, ensalved to this disciple, you’re also running based on what you saw love was when you were growing up to your relationship with your parents.
All of these things will determine as well your biology, who and what you find attractive in a partner, what turns you on, what draws you closer, what repels you from somebody.
What Ayahuasca does is it starts cutting all these cords.
Helping you heal and resolve all these things, so that you come to a place of clarity, a place where your action is not riddled and stained by your history and past.
But your action gets to a point where it is conscious, where you can see in the present moment where you’re at.
Where you want to go, what person is with your heart and not with your tendencies, your habits, your traditions, with your trauma.
When you have clarity you may find out that the place from which you picked that relationship was a place of a lot of pain, a lot of disconnection, trauma.
A lot of people realize this, they see that there was so much in them, a lot of codependency happening.
They found the perfect mirror for someone with whom they were a perfect fit in their codependent tendencies.
But what happens once you have healed the part of you that is needed.
What happens when you get to a place where you discover the love that is inside of you, that beauty, joy that comes from just being alive?
What happens when your body is clean from all that baggage and all its history, now your body is not pulling you, compulsion after compulsion to be attracted to certain kind of toxicity?
What happens is that what you once found attractive stops being attractive immediately.
This can be challenging and i’ve met many people that have had divorces or breakups because they realize that the person they were dating was a good match to their traumatized, closed, tough self.
But the new version, the version that was closer to the truth was free of all that baggage, was not a good match to the person they left back home, to the person that they were dating.
On the other hand (this is way more commong than the first one), we usually think that we are great partners, this happened to me as well.
I go into ceremony thinking for sure that medicine is gonna show me that my partner is irresponsible, that she doesn’t care, that she has to do this and that.
It’s time for me to move on and reconnect to myself, go on my own adventure, find somebody that is a better fit for me.
I’ve had this happen in the past, where i’m convinced and i’m just sitting in ceremony.
I’m gonna get a clear signal saying: “Hey, Nico, you’re right, you’ve served your purpose in her life, she has served hers, you can now split ways.” in the middle of ceremony.
The plant then starts showing me every single way in which I have acted out of integrity, out of alignment, out of consciousness.
Every single word that i have said that was not from a place of love, every subtle gesture and emotion that was maybe violent in a very subtle way, condescending.
It showed me how, what i have been planting has been exactly what i’ve been receiving, and in the middle of a lot of tears and pain i realized like.
“I thought she was wrong, but i can see that i was wrong the whole time…“
I want to say wrong but i was unconscious the whole time, i can see that my desire to disconnect and to end that relationship came from the difficulty that it was for me to deal with the reflection of myself through my partner.
I realized that, actually, the way forward was not ending this and moving on, because then i will meet someone in the future who will bring me to the exact same place.
It’s not something that i have healed.
The way forward was recognizing these ways in which i had created the wrong atmosphere in my relationship and going, apologizing and committing to something different, standing by that commitment.
A few times in the past, when i thought: “Okay, it’s gonna show me that it’s time to be on our separate ways.” it actually told me like:
“No, you’re trying to take the easy way out because you don’t want to see yourself.“
Which is hard, difficult, especially if you’ve been doing a lot of inner work, it’s so easy to see the other person as the one that needs fixing because you understand yourself.
You think “I’m a great person, i’ve done my work, the other person is just starting or they’re way behind so, of course they’re the ones that are in the wrong.“
Usually they’re not, very often we’re avoiding that chance to look at stuff that we haven’t resolved.
To wrap up: Ayahuasca relationships, do not force anyone to come with you, it should be a personal experience, i do believe that as a shared experience it can be very, very beautiful.
Whether it’s your partner, family member, or a friend, it can be very, very beautiful, but only if both people want it.
If it takes any amount of convincing it’s not for them, not just yet.
Secondly, Will i break up with my partner if i drink Ayahuasca? maybe, yes.
Maybe you realize that you’re dating a person that was a good match to your pain and your suffering, once you don’t suffer, they don’t like you, you don’t like them.
You will realize that the stone inside your shoe was not the other person but it was your own self and then you have been the only one getting in your own way of a beautiful relationship.
If you feel the calling to sit with Ayahuasca, in a container held by Colombian shamans at a sacred temple in the middle of the mountain forests please go to: https://ayahuascacolombia.com/retreats