One of the biggest problems that we face today in our relationships is that we make each other responsible for the way we feel.
Somebody says something nice to us so then we feel good, joyful, excited, loved and cared for.
However, if the other person’s behaviour does not fit into our standard, our expectations, then we suffer.
Someone gives us a compliment and we let it get to our heads, someone offends us, says something we don’t like, we let it get to our heads.
This is an issue because we operate from a place that is not very useful or effective, we remain forever victims of our circumstances.
Maybe today’s sunny so i feel happy, maybe tomorrow it’ll rain and thunder so i’ll feel sad, i think that the way i feel is because of the weather, even though the weather may not even know i exist.
The weather has its own reasons for being, same happens with every person we encounter; friend, co-worker, client, lover.
Everyone has a lot of baggage, a lot of history dealt with, all of this creates fertile soil for misunderstandings.
We tend to think that it’s about us, somebody is rude to me so it’s about that person not respecting me and i have to make sure they respect me, i have to raise my voice and assert myself.
When in reality a person’s hurtful behaviour often has a lot to do with things that we don’t even know, things we may not even be aware of, things they may not even be aware of.
They’re spilling their bitterness, their anger, their hate and frustration on you.
They think that it’s because of something that you did and you feel bad, you think that it’s because of what they said.
In reality, healing and peace in relationships can only happen when we’re willing to own 100% of our experience, when we can look at our life and know that it is of our making.
Knowning that to get insulted, i need to be an accomplice, an accomplice of my own suffering.
To feel hurt i need to let the person or the actions that were hurtful determine my state of being.
I’m not saying this is bad, i’m just saying that it is not useful if the way that we operate in the world comes from a place of being triggered constantly.
Something makes you happy, another button makes you sad, another one makes you angry, frustrated, grateful…
Instead, what’s the alternative? The alternative is that we realize that all of our experience of life is generated from inside, cliché – i know.
But i think it’s the only way to truly come to terms with a feeling of peace, lasting joy.
If your peace can be shaken, pulled away, removed or hijacked by something outside of you, then it’s not a peace you can trust.
Your level of groundedness, awareness, patience, love and gratitute depends on what somebody else is doing/saying on how the world is playing out, you’re bound to live a life that is fueled by accidents, misery and some occasional joys.
However, if you decide to take ownership for how you feel, for who you are, for the way that you show up in the world, regardless of how the world is showing up with you.
You’ll find that there’s always something to be grateful for, there’s always something to be in awe of, even if that’s the amount of pain to experience, to recognize.
“Wow, i’m more human than i remember, i’m very distant from this part of myself, from these emotions.“
We can let experiences that could have been destructive become edifying instead.
We can “invite” suffering and see it as an expression of grace, it’s in these moments that we become fully attuned to the fact that everything in life nourishes us if we’re open to it.
How to make that happen, it’s a choice, it’s a stand that we make.
I am in charge of my life, my experience is my creation, so what do i want to create?
You can be joyful because somebody treated you well, you can be miserable because somebody didn’t do what you wanted them to do, you can choose to curate your own experience.
Ultimately, this is what freedom is about, no matter what happens around you; positive, challenging, supportive or unsupportive.
You realize that you’re at the wheel, and if it’s a big wave then you can surf it, enjoy the thrill of it.
If it’s soft breeze and a calm ocean, you can also relax knowing that the feeling of home and peace can only come from within.
If you’re going through a difficult time, some challenging moments with somebody that you love, something is not working out in the way that you expected.
I invite you to take a look at, how can you regain control? How can you liberate yourself from that moment? How can you come back to a place of wholeness, a place of beauty, truth?
A place that cannot be shaken by anything external to you.