Ayahuasca is a very powerful tool, but it’s not a tool that will make you happy.
It’s a big misunderstanding.
Recently, i was speaking with a couple of men that came to retreats, one came earlier this year, another one came last year.
They had messaged me sharing that their life seemed to unfold into a deeper chaos after Ayahuasca ceremonies, and that they felt their traumas, addictions, things that they felt they had already worked through came back with a vengeance.
To me, it made a lot of sense because i have also felt this in the past, in my own ceremonies.
There’s a big misconception that, after Ayahuasca, we’re just gonna feel all lovey-dovey, full of life, joyful, blissful.
It is possible, i don’t wanna ruin your dreams.
But for a lot of people, the prerequisite/precondition to get to that place is facing the nonsense.
Because, let’s imagine that place of beauty, joy, grave and living in harmony, like a home.
If it’s a home that is full of garbage, no matter how beautiful the home is, unless you take the garbage out, it will not be beautiful, it will smell, stink and look ugly.
The greatest temples, we have even done this to nature, oceans, forest, beaches. It’s so full of trash that it turns ugly, something so beautiful as nature itself.
Ayahuasca turns the lights on and it lets you see how beautiful your home is, but it also lets you see all the garbage you accumulated all these years.
All the garbage you brushed under the carpet, hoping not to take a look at all the stuff that you brushed underneath it.
You told yourself that you were past it just because you were not seeing it, maybe you closed your nose and pretended that nothing smelled bad anymore.
Then Ayahuasca comes and turns the lights on, removes the closure of your nostrils. And it smells like shit.
And you wonder, “Ayahuasca broke me, i shouldn’t have done it, i knew it, it made me worse, more traumatized.”
You’re not, you were given a bittersweet gift, which is the gift of truth, of paying attention.
And in your case, you walk up to a house that needs a lot of cleaning, it makes sense that you’re overwhelmed, it makes sense that you feel frustrated in that moment.
If you saw that the house is a big mess you may not even know where to start, right?
When you’re drinking Ayahuasca, remember that it’s not about being happy, it’s about being FREE.
It’s about coming back into truth, into the essence of creation.
It’s not another one of your bypassing spiritual teachings, “Everything is perfect,” Kumbaya, let’s just dance and think positively, good vibes only.
Because life is not good vibes only, the same way that every song is not harmonious, music has dissonant notes.
Your life probably has a lot of them piled up, that’s why you came to drink Ayahuasca or you’re thinking of doing so.
But understand that the biggest gift, is understanding, noticing what needs to be cleaned up, like you’re walking with a lot of wounds that are getting infected and you wonder why you don’t have energy, why everything hurts, why you can’t walk too fast.
You can’t go where you want to go, suddenly, Ayahuasca shows you and lets you feel the pain of those wounds, so you can know where they are.
Yet you get upset at it, “I was hoping to feel happier, to feel perfect.” No, they show you where the wounds are, so that you can take care of them.
So that you stop infecting them and rubbing your blood all over the place and making a mess of your life.
Remember that before you drink the medicine, things may turn ugly before they turn better, not always, and it is rare that this happens, if i’m honest.
But it does happen, and in that moment, you want to have someone that is supporting you along the journey, that is guiding you.
Hopefully the Shaman in the community that you worked with.
I expected that Ayahuasca was going to make me happy, i didn’t understand that it was making me free, and to be free i had to deal with everything that i did that ensalved me, that was not easy or beautiful.
It was a process that was hard, rough and required a lot of work.
One that made me think and reconsider my choice to drink medicine, it made me imagine that maybe this made me worse, maybe i had ruined my life by drinking it.
It’s not true, the medicine is one, done in the right place with the right people – the mess is inside of me.
And if the medicine has allowed me to see my own mess – sure, it’s not nice nor pleasant, but at least now i know what needs to be cleaned out in my house.
And i can get on it and do it, then there’s going to be a day after enough cleaning when i look around and i start feeling that actually, things are very pretty.
The house looks beautiful, it looks clean.
Ayahuasca helps you clean a lot of stuff up, but there’s stuff that you have to do on your own, so keep this in mind before you drink medicine.
It may require a lot of work, it’s not a magic pill.
It will show you, teach you, but seeing the truth comes with a consequence.
That consequence is sometimes there’s a lot that we need to let go of.
If you feel the calling to sit with Ayahuasca, in a container held by Colombian shamans at a sacred temple in the middle of the mountain forests, please check: