How do i deal with people who are confrontational? Who are offensive? Who are out to hurt me or people that i care about without getting consumed in that kind of “game”?
First thing we need to do is understand that there’s always a part of us that draws a certain interaction from another person.
For you to feel insulted by somebody’s insult – you need to participate, you need to be an active co-creator of your own suffering.
The bullied and the bully are both characters of the same play, they’re both co-creating an experience that victimizes the two of them.
The bullied, because he sees himself as a victim, and the bully, because he cannot help his compulsions to make others feel the pain that he doesn’t want to heal.
What to do about this? What to do when someone’s being violent?
Understand and ask ourselves the question: What within me may be drawing this kind of attitude from somebody else right now?
If people cross a line of trying to harm you physically, that’s a different case, but most of the time, confrontations tend to be just emotional, mental, verbal.
The question is what do i do in these cases?
Well, understand that most people who come at you with a very charged emotional tone or energy are suffering, there’s something inside that is very uncomfortable for them to process, therefore, they try to bounce it back.
They try to outsource it, the pain they don’t want to heal is pain they want others to feel.
If you can remain conscious you will have a lot of compassion and you will see very clearly that the person yelling and screaming must be really miserable.
Beyond that, you’ll realize that it probably has nothing to do with you.
You can smile, you can remain conscious without getting “triggered” you can engage in a conversation from a point of consciousness, you can draw a boundary from a very calm point.
“Hey, i understand what you’re saying and i don’t appreciate the way in which you’re talking with me, so i’m going to ask you to please not use these words.” “Hey, i’m happy to have a conversation with you the moment that you’re open to having it in a very civilized manner.” “I welcome this interaction but it has to be under these boundaries of honesty, of clear communication.“
However, if there is anger inside of you, resentment, frustration, if there is pain, you’re gonna get “triggered.”
A good friend of mine says that to get triggered you have to be loaded to begin with, so think about that when you get triggered, it means that you were loaded of something that was not very enjoyable or pleasant.
Therefore, now you seek to engage.
However, if you’re conscious and aware, you realize that people seeking for a fight are people who are hurting.
Nobody joyful, happy, pleased and busy with a good life will ever attempt to harm somebody else. Doesn’t mean that boundaries cannot be drawn, it just means that there are ways to manage it.
There are ways to navigate the situations and they don’t have to be full of chaos, drama, violence, they can be conscious.
If you’re at peace, there’s not gonna be a fight because to fight you need two people.
- Are you contributing or co-creating drama that is unfolding?
- Can you see the pain that they’re going through? Can you be conscious enough to remain compassionate? to understand that it’s not about you.
- Can you voice your preferences the way in which you want to communicate? From a place of awareness, intelligence and not one of reaction.