The masculine is connected to money because in our society the traits and the qualities that are most likely to provide a stable and prosperous financial foundation for a person are masculine, for example.
Focus, if you look around most people who say i’m a writer, artist, healer, tarot reader, investment banker, cook, chef, somebody tells you a million things.
The first thing that comes to mind is, this person has a lot of hobbies and probably very little money.
However, it is the brain, the left hemisphere, brain surgeon, the one that makes a lot a lot of money, it is the cardiologist, it’s the (in my previous profession) watercolour tattoo artist the person that knows how to focus, the one that usually excels, develops a proficient ability in something.
A person that has a challenging time with their own masculine, a woman that has a hard time with her own masculine is going to have a hard time usually focusing, following through.
Consistency, discipline is a masculine trait, it is the act of committing to something out of a choice and not out of an emotion.
A lot of women are very sensitive and it’s a beautiful gift, unless they are at the mercy of it, which is the case for most of the women that I know.
You can have a huge heart, but if your heart dictates whether or not you work all the time then you’re gonna have a very rocky financial life.
It should be our awareness, our consciousness dictating what our mind, body and heart does, not our consciousness at the mercy of our mind, our body or our heart.
Women who have problems with money usually tend to have problems with structure, the masculine is a very nourishing energy, In the Shamanic tradition we say, mother earth. “Madre Tierra” and father sun, “Padre Sol.”
The sun is the father, the light. The earth is the mother, the light penetrates the earth – its waters and then it breeds life, the sun nourishes everything abundantly and equally, it does not discriminate.
A woman who had a hard time receiving from her father because he was absent, he was abusive or he was weak, is gonna hurt, she’s gonna have a hard time receiving from life itself, however.
If you’re aware of this, you can remember that your father only facilitated a body for you, your previous partners were only your previous partners, you are connected to a source, an energy of life that is very sacred, then the sacred masculine keeps you here.
The light of the sun shines on you every day and its roots feed you, keep you alive, if you can connect to the ways in which the masculine is already providing for you, you can start to slowly open yourself up to receiving from this energy that is abundant in nature.
Therefore open yourself up to having more structure, being more focused, being more disciplined, more consistent and being able to be penetrated in a nourishing way by life itself.
For your feminine energy to be fertile you need the masculine energy to be in dance with it, just the masculine or just the feminine are not fertile.
(From the ask Nico Series on YouTube: What is the most fundamental way to get better at relationships/women in general?)
The first thing that can make a big difference in the way that you relate to women is not separating them from; women and then people in general, you’re bound to get into a lot of toxic relationships or a very unhealthy way of relating when you think women are not people or you separate people in general.
Becoming good with women is no different than becoming good with people, what does it mean to be good with people? It means that probably people find you likable, charming, attractive, people trust you, people like your company and want more of it those people enjoy, cherish and try to spend time with you.
Becoming good with women is the same, it means that women trust you, they like being in your presence, they enjoy themselves when they’re with you and they look forward to being with you again.
Being good with women can be (depending on your intentions): sexual, romantic, mere friends, community.
Let’s get to the basics of what i used to teach when i was focused on getting into relationship coaching, first thing is: if you’re a social person you’re gonna welcome everyone into your sphere, but if you’re thinking that men and women deserve different treatments then it’s gonna be very difficult.
Suddenly you go through your day not being very social and then you see an attractive woman and you hope that the switch of charm, the switch of connection, the switch of social inclusiveness is gonna turn on, it doesn’t work that way.
If you don’t train yourself to be curious about the people in your life what makes you think that once you see an attractive woman that’s gonna come up.
Women are also people… it’s kind of sad that i have to remind this but, women, like men, enjoy people who are curious about them, who see them.
Do you consider yourself an attractive man? Assuming you’re a man. If not, why not?What can you stop doing and what do you think you should start doing?
A lot of men want attention from women, they want women to fall underneath for them but they themselves don’t feel that way, that reverence towards who they are, a lot of men live lives that are not very interesting, not very exciting and i’m not talking about living a life that is exciting for other people, i’m talking about living a life that is exciting for YOU.
If you’re not in love with your life, if you’re not passionate, excited, on a mission that makes you wake up full of energy and full of passion, what makes you think that a woman is gonna feel like that towards you or your life?
This may sound cheesy but, start with yourself, look at yourself in the mirror and be blunt be honest, what should you stop doing? If you’re out of shape then hey, maybe cut down the sugar, cut down all the carbs, all the nonsense that you’re eating, maybe you’re in good shape but you have a tendency to be shy, to be isolated. Open yourself up a little bit more, say yes to more invitations, smile a little bit more.
Maybe you’re good at connecting and meeting people but it doesn’t go anywhere and that may mean that there’s deeper blockages that you may want to work through.
Make your life attractive, fall in love with your life so much that the thought of whether a woman likes you or not is not surprising and you will find it in that space when you are full of passion and love for the life you’re living.
It would be almost inevitable for people around you (especially women) to also find you attractive.
This last one is very difficult for a lot of men, we’re raised in a society where you have to play games, you have to be “smooth“, “sneaky” around seduction.
My experience is that is the exact opposite, if you want a woman (not a girl, and this is a big distinction, girls like playing games you will see them little girls have toys they play pretend everything).
Then realize that a woman wants a man and one of the key things that differentiates a man from a boy is that: A man owns his desires, he’s honest about them, honesty is the way with which you shall live your relationships, if you want to become an attractive man and if you want to attract a woman.
Honesty means that you don’t misrepresent who you are or what you want out of that connection, honesty means that if you like her, you let her know.
Not in a needy way, you don’t place the weight of your unfulfilled expectations on her shoulders, no.
You can say “Hey, (maybe you met her at a party and you come to her) I find you quite intriguing and i would like to get to know you more.“
She’ll say, “Yeah, sure.” then you can follow up with, “All right, how about we grab a drink or we go for a hike, friday morning.“
You don’t need to hide that you like her, celebrate it, don’t be needy, be willing, able and excited to take NO for an answer.
It’s fine! – you don’t like all women, don’t expect all women to like you.
But be honest, don’t pretend you want to be her friend when you really want her, communicate your desires, at the same time, if you don’t want anything then don’t create false expectations.
How do you focus on self-worth or feelings of unworthiness.
Worth is basically the value you give yourself and your life, how valuable you feel – how valuable is a cup of water from the ocean?
Some could argue: “Really valuable, it’s part of nature, it’s part of the ocean, we need the oceans to survive.” and whatnot, somebody else could say: “Not really valuable, not worth much, can’t do much with it…” but ultimately, nobody wakes up thinking: “Is the ocean worth it?“, “Is the ocean unworthy?“
Why?because we’re not in the game of trying to place a value to it, therefore, it’s priceless.
The question of worthiness falls when there’s not a value judgment, let me explain this in simpler words.
Being worthy and unworthy comes in relationship to something, being deserving of, being valuable. For whom?
Some people could say worms are unworthy; they’re ugly, gooey, disgusting. But if you ask the plants/nature, worms are really worth it, they make sure that the nutrients get to the soil.
Another example, “Birds are so worthy! – they’re so beautiful and they sing, it’s great in the mornings.”
Recently i saw a bird here in Colombia that grabs rocks and then he beats up snails in their shell to death and then he basically drinks the dead snail juice, the snail could say: “Oh those birds are quite atrocious, terrible, horrible and violent, they’re unworthy of being here.”
It’s a question that only matters if you’re judging yourself or if you’re trying to see your value in relationship to something else. Therefore, you can always find reasons and evidence to support either way of the equation.
If I ask you right now, tell me 5 things that you have done in your life that make you unworthy of living, i could come up with them and many more you could probably do the same and it will turn into a pity party or at least a very sad exchange.
I could also ask you: “Hey, tell me 10 things you have done that have made your life worth it.” You could come up with it. I could come up with them, deep stuff, simple, looking at the sunrise, feeling love for somebody, playing with a child, creating a business, whatever is important to each of us.
Instead of playing a game in life where you’re constantly seeking evidence to support you or to drown in it, how about you let go of the game altogether?
Life is not asking you to place value judgments on it, the moment is free from meaning, it’s neutral in a deep sense and so are you.
Whether you deserve to be alive or not, if you weren’t you would not have been born, the source of creation, the intelligence, that lies within this reality has made sure that everything serves its purpose, everything.
The dung beetle has a very, very important purpose, to keep an ecosystem, the ugly worms have a profound role and the most violent bird as well, the plants, the water, the air and you too.
Now, your journey may be one where you still don’t know the role that you play in your ecosystem and the importance that the role you have placed.
That’s a different question that’s more a question of, “What am i to use my life for? What will feel exciting? How I enjoy spending this life that was given to me?” Whether I deserve it or not, who cares. Now that i got it let’s make the most out of it.
You got a bicycle for your birthday, whether you were a good/bad kid, who cares, you got it, whoever gave it to you clearly thought that you were a great kid and therefore you deserved it, you were worth it, you were worthy of a nice bicycle.
Your question is not to dim or to question their choice or their decision. “I was a bad kid, why did you give me a bicycle? Maybe I deserve it, maybe I don’t…” and then whip yourself, torture yourself with those thoughts, no.
Your role is to say “Thank you“, somebody thought that I was worth of receiving this so i’m going to take it and now my question is;
How far do i want to go? How much adventure do I want to include? How much risk do I want?
Do i want to go downhill? Do i want to just cruise through the roads? Do i want to play in circles? Do i want to do tricks?
What excites me? Do i just want to go and see landscape? Do I want to take it to go and visit my friends?
My invitation is, worthiness is just a matter of placing value and judgment on things.
If you drop the game the question disappears, the intelligence that gave everything a purpose, that gave everything a reason and a function in this ecosystem of life thought that you were needed and life was given to you.
It’s not smart to question the why or whether you deserved it or not, you received the gift, you received the present.
A smart question, a more intelligent use of your mental and physical resources is thinking: “All right, i got it, somebody thought I was worth it now what do I want to do with it? What will i enjoy doing with it?”
You will find that as you make use of your energies, of your time, of your life in a way that excites you more and more you will understand the reason why that higher intelligence gave you life in the first place.
It will make sense, not by questioning it but by experiencing it.
How can one set the right boundaries both in business and relationships? What is the question one should ask him or herself to get clear on which boundaries should be and what’s the best way to set them in business?
First thing is, boundaries are not walls that we create to shield or protect ourselves from others.
They are in fact doors, which means it’s not a way of dismissing another person but a way of showing them: “Hey this is where the door is, this is how you navigate your connection with me“
I cannot tell you what boundaries to apply because my life is different from yours. The place where the door is in my home may not be the one in which you need it to be in yours.
Let’s start with that, how do you know what boundaries to put up? Well a good place to start is to know; where does it hurt? where do you feel they’re being violated? where do you feel being taken advantage of? where do you feel resentful towards somebody?
Ask yourself this question if you know who you resent or where you felt taken advantage of, that’s going to point you to a place in which a boundary is lacking so start there, now, how do you establish boundaries in a conscious way?
The first thing is understanding that you can say no without closing your heart, you don’t have to be “My way or the highway“, you don’t have to be someone who is very dismissive in the way in which he or she communicates…
You can lovingly say no to someone and this is the most difficult thing to do for a lot of us because when we were told no as children, it was often with violence or with a disconnection, Love was withdrawn from you when a no was given and therefore we experienced rejection.
“No” was rarely met with a heart, with empathy, with compassion, with curiosity. So the first thing for you is at the base level, can you remain open as you’re about to set your boundary? Can you keep your heart open? Can you not kick them out of your heart as you’re about to express to them the right way of communicating with you?
Secondly, you want to be specific and clear, here’s an example;
“Hey when we agreed on doing this work you said you were going to have things ready by today, and you didn’t have them ready, I felt lack of trust and I felt afraid that this partnership is not going to work and i would like for this not to happen again, next time give me a deadline that you can honor or as soon as you know that you have it ready communicate with me.”
“Hey i noticed that when i talk you’re checking your phone, in that moment i feel angry because i feel like you don’t care about what i’m sharing and I want to have a relationship where I feel seen, it’s painful to not feel that way right now so I would love that when we we’re talking or when i’m sharing something with you, it’d be good for the two of us to leave your phone and if there’s something really important that you need to do communicate with me so that we can make time apart for a connection.“
if you pay attention there’s different ways of saying this, the way that most people go to is: “I can’t work with you” “I’m gonna fire you” “I’m gonna quit“, right? Attention, drama, blame, the second example about the relationship focuses on how you never pay attention or is passive aggressive.
There’s ways in which we react with an ugly energy to others when boundaries are crossed, so, the second step is communicating in a healthy way, and communicating a healthy boundary has three elements in it, it has:
Specific feedback: It’s when someone does “x” and you’re comunicating to other people the impact of their actions by doing so. It’s not “I don’t feel you love me” or “I want you to love me better” because those aren’t boundaries nor specific.
What is being in a good relationship with you? What do you need for this relationship to work?
Most of the time your business or partner may want to be in a good relationship with you, if you dont communicate with them how to do so, it’s going to be challenging to achieve it. Assume that the way they’re acting is not with evil intent nor wanting to hurt you, but out of ignorance.
Assume ignorange before you assume ill intentions, from that point you can understand how to communicate properly with that person, clearly and specific.
Share and make yourself clear: Never just tell someone what they did wrong without an invitation around what doing it right looks like so, be very, very precise:
“Hey this was sometihng that i didn’t like, something taht made me feel this way, and this is what i would like from you.”
Be very specific, otherwise, it’ll be just a complaint, maybe a well-worded one but it’s just a complaint.
Acknowledge what happened but above all demonstrate what you want, what kind of communication you require from this person, offer solutions. Never mention a problem to anyone without offering a solution.
Boundaries without consequences: Maybe the most important and most overlooked one, if you set a boundary and the person crosses it again and again, without repercussion, it was not a boundary, it was a hope.
Be clear, honor yourself and the other person by fulfilling what is settled, without threatening people, knowing inside you that if this person continues acting this way then you cannot trust them to do business together, if they persist with problems or drama (in your relationship) then consider letting go.
“Hey, listen, i mentioned this before, we had this agreement and i realized that for you it’s hard to honor this and i understand, no judgement, but it’s not the kind of relationship that i want.“
Leave it at that, because you can be very practical and respectful, people know how you feel, it doesn’t have to be an argument, it doesn’t have to be this anxiety inducing thing.
You’re walking down the street and someone tells you, “Hey, do you want to support the starving children?” you can say yes or no, thank you, and that’s that. That’s a boundary, you don’t hate them, they don’t hate you, they’re not bad people, you’re not a good person either, whatever!
It’s a preference, do you want vanilla ice cream? chocolate? Ultimately you want to develop that relationship, you want to feel at peace saying yes or no to somebody without closing your heart.
So, summed up.
Your boundaries have to be defined by you, what questions can you ask yourself? Start with where it hurts, what are you resentful for? when did you feel taken advantage of?
Those are places where boundaries are lacking, then be specific in your feedback about those boundaries, never say what you dislike, invite the other party into a solution, into a better way of doing things, because people want to win with you and you want to make it as easy as possible for them to do so.
Finally, if this is something that gets crossed repeatedly, understand that if your boundary has no consequences when people cross it, then it’s just a hope.
if you teach someone that your boundaries have no weight, they’re good for nothing. It’s playing cry-wolf. You understand that, okay, this person is never gonna act on any of the things that they say are important to them so the best thing for our relationship is that you order your boundaries, and there’s consequence, maybe a different conversation needs to be had or it may be you leaving that relationship.
There’s many things that are possible, i’m not saying you have to break up the moment that something doesn’t work or that you have to dismiss your business partners the moment that someone is late. It has to be clear that it’s important for you and that it will not go unnoticed, that you won’t play pretend being a nice person and accommodate everybody at your expense.
Never ever bend over backwards for other people thinking that youre being nice, because it’s disgusting in the end, if you’re gonna resent them and resent yourself then everybody loses…
Boundaries are healthy, you’re showing somebody where the door is and inviting people to know how to win with you, making it easy for them.