What gets in the way of making a decision and how can we get off the fence on whether to drink Ayahuasca or not?
I’m gonna tell you a story so you can make your own conclusions:
There was a guy once that really wanted to come and drink medicine because he felt that he was going through a deep addiction with women, he was addicted to sex but he wasn’t very good with them.
That put him in a bit of a bind because a lot of his time was consumed by trying to get laid, trying to meet someone that he could sleep with, going on Tinder, dating apps, traveling the world, trying to find women.
But he was not very good at it, so he faced a lot of rejection, it’s a mix of having a strong desire being constantly unfulfilled.
He felt that there were a lot of inner things that had him chasing this constantly, we had a conversation and of course there was a lot of that there.
So he wanted to come drink plant medicine in order to heal his addiction to sex, which stemmed from a lack of self-esteem, he was looking for validation.
He felt unlovable so he wanted people, women, to validate that he was a lovable guy, he was ready to come.
But then he changed his mind, he was like:
“Man, you know, actually, i realized that i’m coming to Colombia… i’ve heard that the women in Medellin are very beautiful so i’ll come later, i’m gonna wati a couple of weeks/months because i just want to have some fun before i come.“
Can you see the irony in there? It’s the one thing he was coming to heal, and it got in his way of coming to heal, this is very, very common.
Same thing happened to one of my clients, he signed up and a few weeks prior, his partner totaled two of his cars, a big part of him coming was because he wanted to reconnect to his masculine essence.
And in the process, to understand and heal the relationship with his partner, he messaged me saying: “Hey, i wanted to come but i’m tight on cash flow, THIS just happened, i have to buy a new car…” this and that.
We had a conversation, he ended up understanding his concerns and he came anyways, during the retreat he had a profound experience where he understood in a deeper way his relationship to his partner, we had a conversation around it.
I think he was able to see that her totaling his cars was not by accident, it was a very subtle way of her getting back at him for the way in which he had been showing up.
Which was not with integrity, commitment, honor, respect and love – he went back and last thing i heard from him was that he was very happy with his daughter and his relationships.
Usually the things that we’re coming to heal will be the very same things that will get in the way of a lot of people.
People that come to work with their anxiety, the thing that gets in the way of them is:
That they feel anxious about traveling to a new country, being with a lot of people they don’t know, sleeping in a place where they’re close to strangers in the middle of nature.
A lot of people that are coming to heal their relationships, the thing that holds them back is:
“Oh, i need to do it with my parents – My boyfriend doesn’t want me to go there…“
There was once a woman that wanted to come, she felt there was something more calling her in life, she had children and she was like mama bear.
Had grown to be a mother and in the process, forgotten a little bit about herself and her own quest for spirituality and expansion, she was a little bit too controlling with her children and wanted to free herself.
To experience herself in a different way, to embrace and face adventure – It was beautiful – this is great! it’s gonna be great for you and your children.
When she was ready to come, she cancelled last minute because we don’t let our participants use wi-fi when they’re there so they can have an immersive experience from the beginning until the end of the retreat.
We recommend to stay off their cell phones and that was too much for her, to leave her children without texting them and checking in on them constantly for 10 days.
She couldn’t compromise on it, i thought… how ironic, you’re coming to be more free and less controlling yet the thing keeping you from that is you wanting to be in control.
The thing that is gonna get in the way of you making this decision is the very same thing that you have to heal, because that part of you that needs healing knows what will happen if you come.
It knows that it might be it’s last chance at keeping you enslaved in that pattern so he doesn’t want you, wont allow you and wont make it easy for you to make that decision.
Imagine there’s a part inside of you that is very comfortable in the pain, then suddenly it realizes that the pain is gonna end and something’s gonna change.
Just the uncertainty is going to force that to react and try to stop it, because it’s foreign, it’s not known, it might be riskier, dangerous.
For most people, it’s in the way of taking the leap of committing, of doing their inner work, but especially in a way that can be as strong as plant medicine.
It’s the very same fear that they want to heal, the very same emotions that they want to develop a healthy relationship with, the ones that tend to make them hesitate, procastinate, wait another day.
If that’s you, i invite you to think about it, if you’ve felt the calling, what’s the reason that you’re holding back on? Do you want to prolong your suffering a little bit more? Your fear? Anxiety? Your disconnection?
I’ve heard many people that hate their job and they know there’s something deeper, a deeper purpose to aim towards and to go for.
But they don’t know what it is, they want to come and they make their minds up, afterwards they cancel due to any circumstance.
In life, you can have it all, but you have to be willing to make sacrifices, especially for the things that are important, they will demand that you sacrifice something.
To sacrifice is a sacred offering, it’s not to give up something meaningless, it’s to offer something that is important to you, something that is sacred and trusting that life will give you back tenfold what you gave.
There’s no transformation without letting a big part of you go, without offering a big part of you as a sacrifice, there’s no big transformation without saying bye to who you thought you were.
If you’re on the fence, consider why you’re delaying it, is it worth it?
How much longer do i want to wait? Waiting implies that you think you’re gonna be alive tomorrow or that i’m gonna be alive tomorrow, hopefully i am!
But waiting means that someday this is gonna happen, someday my peace of mind, my internal harmony will be worth for me to look at.
Someday, i will take care of myself, that day may never come, or you never make it to that day.
Do not procastinate on what concerns your life, everything else can wait, everything outside can be put on pause.
Your life just keeps on going and whether it becomes more pleasant, enjoyable, blissful, exciting by the day…
Or whether you numb, and hate yourself a little bit more, you’re more anxious, depressed, disconnected, angry and overwhelmed, that’s a choice you have to make.
This is just one of the paths, but it’s the one that guarantees a strong push in a direction of healing.
Do not let the things that you want to heal be the reasons that you don’t.
If you feel the calling to sit with Ayahuasca, in a container held by Colombian shamans at a sacred temple in the middle of the mountain forests please go to: https://ayahuascacolombia.com/retreats